They can’t credit you for your success, because they want all the praise and sympathy. Remember, they’re invested in being the victim. Their need for narcissistic supply is bottomless. This is a fool’s errand, because even if you were able to (which you’re not), they won’t appreciate it. They often try to get you to do something to fix their pain.A real victim will appreciate your concern, and it usually uplifts them and can enable them to take self-directed action. They want power and attention more than sympathy. They have to keep up the complaining and victimhood act for more attention. They don’t take in your care and compassion.
You’re not responsible for other people’s feelings, much less their actions and words. The bonus is that you relieve their shame. If they can make you feel guilty, they can gain power over you, which is what they want. When you first meet a narcissist, notice if they blame other people. Narcissists never want to take responsibility because it tarnishes their image of perfection, which is really all a defense to hidden shame.
When we feel like a victim, we externalize the source of our pain, so we’re not accountable.
